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Month: May, 2014

my girl


The neighborhood boys have grown taller
than their absent fathers.

My girl use to be one of the boys,
throat a gun tossed in to a river
fist fight for a mouth
bag of ice for a father.

Then her body grew soft where she did not want it soft
grew full, grew heavy, grew ripe
if the boys see then the boys will become hungry.

My girl avoids mirrors
binds her breasts like a secret
buries the dead in between her legs
every month bleeds like she is a wound
calls out the names of the dead like lottery numbers
and all the names sound like her own.

My girl picks her father from a list of fatherless rappers,
measures her thighs in her bedroom
is on a diet, forever
is a red balloon stolen from a party
deflating in a corner.

Her first kiss, a boy who does…

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holding out holding on



on the phone to my friend one night i asked what if i made him up? what if he doesn’t exist? 

months later my mother sees me sitting quietly on the stairs of our home and says macaanto, if you exist, then he exists. 

i visit my father and we drink tea in his small apartment. when i’m about to leave he tells me you are smart and some men will be scared of that, but you are progressive so love the progressive ones.

i think about what colour his skin will be, the sound of his voice, his laugh, if he’ll arrive with a beard or grow one as a dare, if he’ll find islam through me, or come with the 99 names sweetening his breath, if he’ll come at all, if he’ll be tired or weary and how i’ll know it’s even him?

i don’t know, the dream…

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first thought